BREAKING. And by breaking I mean gently cracking like a day-old croissant. Sources close to sources who once had a mate who visited FIFA headquarters tell me that the four nations making their World Cup debuts in 2026 are currently in various states of panic, excitement, and geographical confusion.

Cape Verde, those lovely Atlantic islands that most people confuse with Cape Town (different continent, lads), have reportedly spent the last 48 hours asking if they're allowed to bring their entire population as fans. With only 550,000 people, they reckon they could probably fit everyone into a few stadium sections and still have room for a barbecue. Sources suggest their FA president has been seen frantically calling FIFA asking if there's a group discount.

Meanwhile, Curaçao - and yes, I had to Google how to spell it too - are apparently still celebrating. My sources, and by sources I mean someone who follows their tourism board on Instagram, tell me the entire island has basically turned into one massive street party. They've qualified for their first World Cup and honestly, fair play to them. The population is roughly the same as Coventry, which means their entire support could probably fit into one Premier League stadium with seats to spare.

Jordan, not to be confused with the basketball legend or the Katie Price ex-husband, have reportedly been asking FIFA very politely if they can play all their matches in air-conditioned stadiums. Sources close to the Jordanian FA suggest they're also inquiring whether camels are allowed as emotional support animals for travelling fans. The answer, disappointingly, is no.

But it's Uzbekistan who've really caught my attention. Sources, and I use that term like I use 'professional footballer' when describing myself at five-a-side, tell me they've been on a three-day celebration that started the moment they qualified and shows no signs of stopping. The entire nation has apparently discovered what happens when 35 million people all try to book flights to North America at the same time. Spoiler alert: it's chaos.

What's genuinely brilliant about this is that while England fans are already planning their 'It's Coming Home' parade after beating Japan in a friendly - yes, that actually happened - these four nations are just happy to be invited to the party. They're like the kids who got picked last for PE but somehow ended up on the school football team.

ESPN's experts are reportedly helping us 'get better acquainted' with each country, which I assume means teaching us where they actually are on a map. I'll be honest, before today I thought Curaçao was a type of liqueur. Turns out it's both a liqueur AND a country. Who knew geography could be so educational and intoxicating?

The 2026 World Cup is shaping up to be properly mental, and we haven't even sorted out who's hosting the opening ceremony yet. Sources suggest it might just be a massive group hug between Canada, Mexico and the USA, which sounds about right.

Done deal or fever dream? At this point, who cares. These four nations are living their best life, and honestly, we should all be taking notes.