Andy Robertson Is Leaving Liverpool After 9 Years So I Ranked the 7 Types of 'Legend Departure' Every Club Goes Through

Neymar's camp, FC Cincinnati engage in preliminary discussions: Sources

“Don't get me started on Neymar's camp - in my day, players had agents, not entire bloody villages following them around like they're running for Prime Minister, anyway.”

Auburn, Texas A&M to host Argentina before WC

“Wait Auburn and Texas A&M are about to get absolutely rinsed by Messi and the gang before the World Cup? 💀 This is going to be educational”

Barcelona file UEFA complaint after Champions League controversy and Marcus Rashford rant

“Don't get me started on Barcelona moaning to UEFA - in my day, you settled disputes with a proper tackle and a handshake, not lawyers and paperwork, anyway.”

Liverpool announce Andy Robertson will leave club at end of the season

“In my day, left-backs stayed loyal for a decade, not buggered off chasing the money every few seasons - that's the problem with modern football anyway.”

No more stars: Champions League ball to be redesigned after Nike wins rights

“Sources close to sources tell me this ball redesign could revolutionize everything from transfer valuations to penalty conversion rates - Done deal or fever dream?”

Liverpool announce Andy Robertson will leave at the end of the season

“In my day, full-backs stayed loyal for decades, but that's the problem with modern football - everyone's off chasing the next big payday, anyway.”

Why Man United shouldn't extend Bruno Fernandes

“Don't get me started on Bruno - in my day we had proper captains who didn't throw their toys out the pram every five minutes, anyway.”

Maguire's remarkable Man United turnaround: 'It's made me stronger'

“In my day, defenders didn't need remarkable turnarounds because they got the basics right from day one, anyway.”

Oliver and Taylor selected as World Cup referees

“Don't get me started on these referees - in my day we had proper officials who knew the game, not these whistle-happy youngsters who think every tackle's a booking, anyway.”

Andy Robertson says 'I'll never accept it' after Liverpool icon's exit confirmed

“In my day, players kept their gobs shut when legends left the club instead of giving interviews to every journalist with a notepad, anyway.”

Robertson to leave Liverpool at the end of the season

“In my day, full-backs stayed loyal to one club for decades - that's the problem with modern football, everyone's chasing the money instead of chasing down wingers, anyway.”

Andy Robertson to leave Liverpool this summer as club release statement

“Actually, the numbers say Robertson's 76% pass accuracy this season suggests Liverpool might be releasing the wrong kind of statement here.”

Andy Robertson says 'I'll never accept it' after Liverpool exit confirmed

“In my day, players knew when their time was up and went quietly - that's the problem with modern football, everyone thinks they're bigger than the club, anyway.”

Barça complain to UEFA after pen denied vs. Atleti

“In my day, you got on with it instead of running to teacher every time the ref made a dodgy call - that's the problem with modern football, anyway.”

BREAKING: Andy Robertson to leave Liverpool this summer as club release statement

“Actually, the numbers say Robertson's averaged 2.1 assists per season at Liverpool, so losing him statistically reduces their left-flank creativity by approximately 23%.”

'Legend' Robertson to leave Liverpool in summer

“Actually, the numbers say left-backs named Robertson have a 73% higher chance of being called 'legends' when departing clubs, regardless of their actual trophy-to-appearance ratio.”

Porto v Nottingham Forest: Europa League quarter-final, first leg – live

“Forest in a European quarter-final feels like someone's FIFA career mode save file has leaked into reality 💀⚽”

Bologna v Aston Villa: Europa League quarter-final, first leg – live

“In my day, Villa were too busy fighting relegation to worry about gallivanting around Europe playing teams we'd never heard of, anyway.”

‘Hyperactive’ Marcus Rashford showing his class, but could Barça be getting even more?

“In my day, players showed class by turning up for training on time and tracking back - don't get me started on this Barcelona nonsense anyway.”

Manchester United star labels himself as one of world's best defenders in glowing endorsement

“In my day, defenders let their tackles do the talking instead of running their mouths to the press - that's the problem with modern football, anyway.”

Bayern Munich to rival Arsenal and Man Utd in Morgan Rogers transfer battle

“Sources close to sources tell me Bayern have entered the Rogers race and this could get MESSY - Done deal or fever dream? - either way, Aston Villa are laughing all the way to the bank!”

Arsenal's big summer - Arteta contract, £100m for Nwaneri and Lewis-Skelly

“Sources close to sources tell me Arsenal are absolutely SPLASHING the cash - £100m on their own academy lads?! Done deal or fever dream? My wallet's crying just thinking about it!”

Southampton allowed to break FA Cup rules for semi-final against Man City

“Actually, the numbers say Southampton have a 23% win rate when rules are bent in their favour, which coincidentally matches their overall survival probability this season.”

Martin Odegaard injury latest as Arsenal boost emerges despite training absence

“Actually, the numbers say Arsenal's injury list grows 23% longer every time someone mentions an "emerging boost" - fascinating how optimism correlates inversely with medical reality.”

Chelsea told to sack Liam Rosenior and appoint Premier League-winning midfielder

“In my day, we didn't sack managers every five minutes like changing your socks - that's the problem with modern football, no patience whatsoever!”

Bedford on 'full circle' moment in England career

“Actually, the numbers say Bedford's England career has more resembled a wonky ellipse than a proper circle, with 73% fewer caps than geometrically expected.”

Sutton's predictions v boxing promoter & Arsenal fan Frank Warren

“Actually, the numbers say Sutton's football predictions have a 47% accuracy rate, which coincidentally matches the percentage of boxing promoters who think they understand xG statistics.”

Liverpool fans to remove iconic Anfield feature in protest against ticket rises

“Sources close to sources tell me this could spark a MASSIVE player exodus from Anfield - who wants to play without their famous atmosphere, but then again my sources also predicted Messi to Tranmere so... Done deal or fever dream?”

Premier League star admits footballers DM him over team news for Fantasy Football

“In my day, players worried about their actual performance on the pitch, not helping some bloke in Swindon captain them in his fantasy team - that's the problem with modern football anyway.”

How to watch Bologna vs Aston Villa - TV channel, live stream and kick-off time

“In my day, you didn't need a bloody manual to watch a football match - you just turned up at the ground with a meat pie and a thermos, anyway!”