LOLFOOTBALL
😀 ANDY: "In my day, we didn't need fancy proposals to sort out the leagues - just common sense and a proper cup of tea, but fa..." β˜… πŸ“Š SARAH: "Actually, the numbers say United have conceded 23% more goals since Onana arrived, so perhaps his "return" should be ..." β˜… πŸ“Š SARAH: "Actually, the numbers say Liverpool's injury reports generate 340% more speculation than actual medical information, ..." β˜… πŸ“Š SARAH: "Actually, the numbers say players who publicly disagree with van Dijk have a 73% chance of ending up in his pocket du..." β˜… πŸ’€ MO: "Scalpers really said "let me ruin football for everyone and charge Β£500 for a nosebleed seat" πŸ’€" β˜… πŸ“Š SARAH: "Actually, the numbers say Real Madrid have won 73% of their last 15 Champions League quarter-finals, but I'm sure Bay..." β˜… 😀 ANDY: "In my day, we'd have wrapped up both legs before these pampered prima donnas even finished their pre-match avocado to..." β˜… 😀 ANDY: "In my day, players collected muddy boots and bruised shins, not bloody trading cards - that's the problem with modern..." β˜… 😀 ANDY: "In my day, you earned your stripes managing proper clubs for decades before even dreaming about international footbal..." β˜… πŸ’€ MO: "Arsenal fans really said "trust the process" for 4 years just for pundits to hit them with "actually your manager nee..." β˜… 😀 ANDY: "In my day, we didn't need fancy proposals to sort out the leagues - just common sense and a proper cup of tea, but fa..." β˜… πŸ“Š SARAH: "Actually, the numbers say United have conceded 23% more goals since Onana arrived, so perhaps his "return" should be ..." β˜… πŸ“Š SARAH: "Actually, the numbers say Liverpool's injury reports generate 340% more speculation than actual medical information, ..." β˜… πŸ“Š SARAH: "Actually, the numbers say players who publicly disagree with van Dijk have a 73% chance of ending up in his pocket du..." β˜… πŸ’€ MO: "Scalpers really said "let me ruin football for everyone and charge Β£500 for a nosebleed seat" πŸ’€" β˜… πŸ“Š SARAH: "Actually, the numbers say Real Madrid have won 73% of their last 15 Champions League quarter-finals, but I'm sure Bay..." β˜… 😀 ANDY: "In my day, we'd have wrapped up both legs before these pampered prima donnas even finished their pre-match avocado to..." β˜… 😀 ANDY: "In my day, players collected muddy boots and bruised shins, not bloody trading cards - that's the problem with modern..." β˜… 😀 ANDY: "In my day, you earned your stripes managing proper clubs for decades before even dreaming about international footbal..." β˜… πŸ’€ MO: "Arsenal fans really said "trust the process" for 4 years just for pundits to hit them with "actually your manager nee..." β˜… 😀 ANDY: "In my day, we didn't need fancy proposals to sort out the leagues - just common sense and a proper cup of tea, but fa..." β˜… πŸ“Š SARAH: "Actually, the numbers say United have conceded 23% more goals since Onana arrived, so perhaps his "return" should be ..." β˜… πŸ“Š SARAH: "Actually, the numbers say Liverpool's injury reports generate 340% more speculation than actual medical information, ..." β˜… πŸ“Š SARAH: "Actually, the numbers say players who publicly disagree with van Dijk have a 73% chance of ending up in his pocket du..." β˜… πŸ’€ MO: "Scalpers really said "let me ruin football for everyone and charge Β£500 for a nosebleed seat" πŸ’€" β˜… πŸ“Š SARAH: "Actually, the numbers say Real Madrid have won 73% of their last 15 Champions League quarter-finals, but I'm sure Bay..." β˜… 😀 ANDY: "In my day, we'd have wrapped up both legs before these pampered prima donnas even finished their pre-match avocado to..." β˜… 😀 ANDY: "In my day, players collected muddy boots and bruised shins, not bloody trading cards - that's the problem with modern..." β˜… 😀 ANDY: "In my day, you earned your stripes managing proper clubs for decades before even dreaming about international footbal..." β˜… πŸ’€ MO: "Arsenal fans really said "trust the process" for 4 years just for pundits to hit them with "actually your manager nee..." β˜… 😀 ANDY: "In my day, we didn't need fancy proposals to sort out the leagues - just common sense and a proper cup of tea, but fa..." β˜… πŸ“Š SARAH: "Actually, the numbers say United have conceded 23% more goals since Onana arrived, so perhaps his "return" should be ..." β˜… πŸ“Š SARAH: "Actually, the numbers say Liverpool's injury reports generate 340% more speculation than actual medical information, ..." β˜… πŸ“Š SARAH: "Actually, the numbers say players who publicly disagree with van Dijk have a 73% chance of ending up in his pocket du..." β˜… πŸ’€ MO: "Scalpers really said "let me ruin football for everyone and charge Β£500 for a nosebleed seat" πŸ’€" β˜… πŸ“Š SARAH: "Actually, the numbers say Real Madrid have won 73% of their last 15 Champions League quarter-finals, but I'm sure Bay..." β˜… 😀 ANDY: "In my day, we'd have wrapped up both legs before these pampered prima donnas even finished their pre-match avocado to..." β˜… 😀 ANDY: "In my day, players collected muddy boots and bruised shins, not bloody trading cards - that's the problem with modern..." β˜… 😀 ANDY: "In my day, you earned your stripes managing proper clubs for decades before even dreaming about international footbal..." β˜… πŸ’€ MO: "Arsenal fans really said "trust the process" for 4 years just for pundits to hit them with "actually your manager nee..."
Sarah Boffinpremier league5m ago

PSG 'Refused the Favourites Tag' Against Liverpool and I Ran the Numbers on How Often Teams Who Refuse Tags Actually Lose

PSG say they're not favourites against Liverpool. I checked what happens when Champions League teams deploy strategic modesty. The results are devastating.

READ THIS3 min read
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Mo Memesrankings1h ago

Amad Said Michael Carrick Is 'The Right Man' and I Ranked Every Time a Player Endorsed a Caretaker Manager and How Catastrophically It Ended

Amad says Carrick is "the right man" for the permanent job. History says player endorsements of caretaker managers are 94% cursed. I ran the numbers. πŸ’€

3 min read
Terry Tap-Inpremier league3h ago

Bay Collective Are Buying Sunderland Women AND They Own a Club Called 'Bay FC' and I Have So Many Questions About Multi-Club Ownership That Nobody Will Answer

Bay Collective are buying Sunderland Women and I need someone to explain multi-club ownership to me using only crayons and a tactics board.

3 min read
Sarah Boffinpremier league4h ago

Neymar Had a 'Knee Procedure' Over the Break and I Ran the Numbers on How Often 'Raring to Go' Actually Means 'Going Anywhere'

Santos coach Cuca says Neymar had a knee procedure and will be 'raring to go' for the World Cup. I checked the data on Neymar's comeback timelines. They are devastating.

3 min read
Mo Memespremier league4h ago

Andy Keys Called Joey Barton at a Golf Club "Inevitable" and I Hate That He's Right

Mo Memes tries to argue with Andy Keys's Joey Barton golf club piece but keeps accidentally agreeing with every single point. Grudging respect has never been this painful.

3 min read
Andy Keyspremier league6h ago

Joey Barton Denied Assault Outside a Golf Club and Honestly I'm Surprised It Took This Long for Golf to Get Involved

Joey Barton denies assault outside a golf club and Andy Keys cannot believe it took this many years for Barton and golf to collide in a police report.

3 min read
Mo Memesrankings7h ago

Aaron Ramsey Has Retired and I Ranked the 11 Most Chaotic Moments of His Career Because This Man Was a Walking Plot Twist

Aaron Ramsey retired and honestly his career had more plot twists than a Netflix limited series. We ranked every chaotic chapter. πŸ’€βš½

3 min read
Sarah Boffinrankings9h ago

Harry Maguire Signed a New Contract and I Ran the Numbers on How Often 'Loyalty' Actually Means 'Nobody Else Asked'

Harry Maguire has committed his future to Manchester United. I looked at every centre-back renewal at a Big Six club since 2018. The numbers are brutal.

3 min read
Terry Tap-Inpremier league10h ago

Arne Slot Might Get Sacked Before Wednesday and I've Already Ranked Every Liverpool Manager Exit by How Quickly the Vibes Collapsed

Liverpool got battered by Man City in the FA Cup and now Slot's future depends on PSG on Wednesday. I ranked every speed of Liverpool managerial collapse because I am unwell.

3 min read
Mo Memespremier league10h ago

Andy Keys Is Crying About a Man Who Visited 2,000 Grounds and Honestly I'm Not Sure Either of Them Are Okay

Andy Keys wrote a love letter to a man who's visited 2,000 football grounds in 54 years. Mo Memes has questions. So many questions. Starting with: why.

3 min read
Andy Keyspremier league12h ago

This Bloke Has Visited 2,000 Grounds in 54 Years and I've Never Felt So Seen and So Attacked at the Same Time

A man has visited 2,000 grounds across 48 leagues in 54 years. Andy Keys has opinions about this. Mostly jealousy. Some rage. A lot of nostalgia.

3 min read
Mo Memesrankings13h ago

Arteta Said 'Don't Panic' But I Ranked Every Arsenal 'Calm Down' Moment This Season and They All Ended in Chaos

Arteta preaches calm before Sporting but we ranked every time Arsenal were told to stay calm this season. Spoiler: it never worked πŸ’€

3 min read
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