Latest Takes
Sarah Boffinrankings13 AprInter Came Back From 2-0 Down at Como So I Checked What Actually Happens When Serie A Leaders Bottle the First Half. The Data Is Magnificent.
Inter went 2-0 down at Como and won 4-3. I ran the numbers on Serie A comeback wins by eventual champions. You won't like them if you enjoy calm football.
3 min read
Mo Memesrankings13 AprThe Champions League Is Apparently Bad Now So I Ranked the 7 Stages of Premier League Clubs Pretending They Don't Want It
Premier League clubs are gaslighting themselves into thinking the Champions League is a burden and honestly the cope levels are off the charts 💀
3 min read
Terry Tap-Inpremier league13 AprMichael Carrick Said Mainoo's Deal Is 'Getting Closer' So I Checked What Actually Happens When Managers Say That. The Data Is Absolutely Devastating.
Carrick says Mainoo's new deal is "getting closer." I investigated what happens when managers use that exact phrase. Spoiler: it's not good.
3 min readSarah Boffinpremier league13 AprAndy Keys Thinks Arteta Should Be Running Players Up Hills and I Regret to Inform Him the Data Says Otherwise
Sarah Boffin reluctantly engages with Andy Keys's nostalgia-soaked take on Arteta's post-Bournemouth comments, and finds herself agreeing with about 40% of it. The other 60% is nonsense.
3 min read
Andy Keyspremier league13 AprArteta Said Tiredness Isn't an Excuse and I Nearly Fell Off My Chair Because That's Exactly What a Tired Manager Says
Arteta says Arsenal can't use fatigue as an excuse after losing to Bournemouth. Andy Keys says that's exactly what a manager says right before everything falls apart.
3 min readTerry Tap-Inpremier league12 AprJack Wilshere Won a Trophy as a Manager and I'm Having an Existential Crisis About the Passage of Time
Jack Wilshere won the EFL Trophy with Luton and now I feel ancient. Sources close to sources tell me time is undefeated.
3 min readSarah Boffinpremier league12 AprPep Called the Arsenal Match a 'Final' So I Checked What Actually Happens When Managers Use That Word. The Data Is Gloriously Cursed.
Pep says City vs Arsenal is a 'final.' I checked what happens when managers call regular league games finals. The win rate is absolutely brutal.
3 min readMo Memesrankings12 AprTom Brady Trash-Talked Wrexham After Birmingham Won So I Ranked the 7 Levels of Celebrity Owner Banter From "Polite" to "Absolute Menace"
Tom Brady trolled Wrexham's owners after Birmingham beat them 2-0. So we ranked every level of celebrity owner banter. Level 7 is unhinged. 💀
3 min readAndy Keyspremier league12 AprSarah Boffin's Spreadsheet Is Right. I Hate That. But She Missed the Bit That Makes It Worse.
Sarah Boffin tracked 23 players who said it wasn't about money. I've been listening to that line since before spreadsheets existed. The truth is even grimmer than her data suggests.
3 min readSarah Boffinpremier league12 AprBruno Fernandes Said It's "Not About Money" So I Checked What Actually Happens When Players Say That. The Data Is Excruciatingly Predictable.
Bruno says he wants to compete, not earn. I tracked 23 players who said the same thing. Guess how many got richer within 12 months. Go on. Guess.
3 min readTerry Tap-Inpremier league12 AprDe Zerbi Said He Needs to Be a "Father Figure" to Spurs Players So I Checked What Happens When Managers Go Full Dad Mode. The Results Are Horrifying.
De Zerbi says Spurs players "don't need a coach" and he must be their dad. I investigated the history of managerial parenting. It always ends in tears.
3 min readNow Playing
LATEST EPISODE · THE LOL FOOTBALL DAILY