Right. The draw is done. The groups are set. And I have looked at all twelve of them with the same enthusiasm I normally reserve for watching Tottenham try to defend a set piece.

Here is every World Cup 2026 group, ranked from "this will be pleasant enough" to "somebody book the therapists now." I have watched football for forty years. I know chaos when I see it. These groups have chaos written all over them in permanent marker.

The Groups Nobody Will Watch

Every World Cup has two or three groups where the result is already decided before a ball is kicked. You know the ones. A massive team, a decent team, and two sides who are just happy to be here. The lads will give it everything, the fans will have a lovely time, and the big team will win 3-0 while the manager rotates his squad. Nobody outside those countries will tune in until the knockout rounds.

I am not saying these teams do not deserve to be there. Every country at a World Cup has earned the right. But when you have got 48 teams in this tournament, some groups are going to be filler. That is just mathematics. Sarah would probably back me up on that, which makes me uncomfortable.

The Groups That Could Go Either Way

Now we are talking. The middle tier of groups is where the World Cup gets interesting. Two strong teams, one decent team, and one wildcard. These are the groups where third place at 2am on a Tuesday night means everything. Where a dodgy VAR decision in the final group game sends an entire nation into meltdown.

England will probably be in one of these groups, because England are always in a group that looks manageable until they somehow make it difficult for themselves. It is tradition. Like queuing, or complaining about the weather, or thinking "maybe this is our year" despite all available evidence.

The Groups of Death

Every World Cup has at least one genuine Group of Death. A group where at least three teams have a legitimate shot at winning the whole tournament, and one of them is going home after the group stage. These are the groups that produce pub arguments that last for decades.

In my day, we had proper groups of death. The 1986 World Cup had a group with Argentina, Italy, and South Korea, and Maradona just dribbled past the lot of them. Now we have got groups where analysts will spend three weeks running simulations on computers. Just watch the football, lads. The numbers do not tell you what happens when it is 1-1 in the 89th minute and the centre-back has a rush of blood.

My Actual Prediction

Brazil will not win it. I know that sounds mad, but they have not looked right since about 2002 and the fact that they keep getting hyped up every four years tells you everything about how short football's memory is. Argentina are the defending champions and they have got Messi, who will be 39, playing in what is definitely his last World Cup. If he somehow drags them to back-to-back titles at the age of 39, I will eat my own flat cap.

France will be dangerous. England will get to the semi-finals and then lose in a way that is simultaneously predictable and heartbreaking. Germany will be efficient without being exciting. And some team nobody is talking about right now will make a run to the quarter-finals and become everyone's second favourite team. That is how every World Cup works. The script does not change, only the actors.

The host nations, though. The United States, Canada, and Mexico all get automatic group stage spots, and the home crowd advantage at a World Cup is massive. Do not sleep on any of them. Especially the Americans, who treat every sport like it is a personal challenge to become world champions within ten years of caring about it.

In the end, my gut says France. In my head, I know it will probably be Argentina again. And in my heart, I want it to be someone utterly ridiculous, like Morocco or Japan, just to watch the football establishment lose its mind. ...anyway.