Terry Tap-In Thinks Toney's Having a Pop at Saudi Refs. I Think He's Angling for a Move Back to England.

Right. So Terry Tap-In wrote that Ivan Toney has gone and called out the referees in the Saudi Pro League for basically handing the title to Cristiano Ronaldo on a silver platter. Terry seemed genuinely impressed that the lad said it out loud. Into a microphone. In a country where that sort of thing probably doesn't go down well over breakfast.

Fair enough, Terry. Entertaining stuff. Good read if you like your football journalism served from a beanbag chair and soaked in Monster Energy. But you have missed the point entirely. Because I have been in this game long enough to know exactly what is happening here. Ivan Toney is not a whistleblower. Ivan Toney is not brave. Ivan Toney wants to come home.

This is textbook. Absolute textbook. You want out of a club but you have got a lovely contract and nobody is going to pay your release clause? You cause a stink. You say something daft in a press conference. You get yourself in the papers. Then suddenly your agent is on the phone to half the Premier League going "well, the situation has become untenable, hasn't it."

I have seen it a hundred times. I managed against players who would fake a hamstring just to avoid playing on a Tuesday in the League Cup. One of my own strikers once told the local paper he thought the training ground smelled funny. He was at Everton within six weeks.

Mark my words. Toney to a Premier League club by August. You can set your watch by it. Some mid table outfit desperate for a proven goalscorer will roll out the red carpet. West Ham. Newcastle if they fancy a punt. Tottenham, because they love a narrative more than a trophy.

And look. I am not saying the Saudi refs are clean. I have no idea. I have watched precisely four minutes of the Saudi Pro League and three of those minutes were Ronaldo doing a celebration I did not understand. But the standard of refereeing worldwide has gone down the pan since they started relying on screens and lines and little buzzing watches. We had proper referees in my day. Men who would book you and then tell you why to your face. No earpieces. No TV monitors. Just a bloke with a whistle and the courage of his convictions.

VAR would not fix the Saudi league. VAR cannot fix anything. VAR is the footballing equivalent of putting a plaster on a broken leg and telling everyone to clap.

But back to Toney. This is a transfer play. Pure and simple. The lad has looked at his options. He has looked at the weather in Riyadh. He has thought about Sunday roasts and grey skies and grounds where the fans actually sing instead of just filming everything on their phones. And he has decided to light a little fire under his own contract.

Clever lad. Cynical. But clever.

Terry Tap-In called this the most entertaining subplot in world football. I call it the most obvious come and get me plea since Rooney put that transfer request in on a bit of paper. Different era. Same game.

Toney will be back in England by the summer. Bet your house on it. Well. Maybe not your house. Bet Terry's beanbag on it.