Andy Keys Nearly Choked on His Digestive, But Marc Skinner Might Actually Have a Point

Right then. Andy Keys wrote in his latest piece that Marc Skinner asking Manchester United to spend more money after getting battered by Bayern Munich was some kind of delusional fever dream, and that he nearly choked on his digestive reading the quotes. Very dramatic. Very Andy. And normally I'd be right there with him, crumbs flying everywhere, because asking football clubs to spend more money is basically my entire career and look where THAT'S got me.

But here's the thing, and I genuinely cannot believe these words are leaving my fingertips: Skinner might not be completely wrong. I know. I KNOW. I need to go and have a word with myself in the mirror. But hear me out before you send the angry emails.

Andy's comparison to Chelsea is brilliant, obviously. Two hundred and sixty two million pounds in pre-tax losses is the kind of number that makes your eyes water and your accountant weep into his calculator. Nobody's saying United Women should go full Chelsea and start burning money like it's a competitive sport. That way lies madness, hair-pulling scandals, and the kind of financial statements that make the ghost of Herbert Chapman spin in his grave.

But there's a massive difference between "spend like Chelsea have lost the plot" and "maybe don't bring a butter knife to a Champions League gunfight." And THAT is where I think Andy's take, much as it pains me to say this, goes a tiny bit wonky.

Have you seen United Women's squad depth? I mean properly looked at it? Because I have. I spent last Tuesday evening going through it instead of watching that film my partner wanted to watch, which tells you everything about my priorities and my relationship. And lads, it is THIN. We're talking wafer thin. We're talking "my source just texted me that a League One club has more midfield options" thin. I can't verify that source, obviously. I can barely verify what I had for breakfast. But the point stands.

Bayern Munich are a properly funded operation. Barcelona are a properly funded operation. Lyon have been a properly funded operation since before most of us knew women's football existed. You don't have to match them pound for pound, but you do have to at least be in the same postcode, and right now United Women are stood outside the postcode looking through the fence.

Now, am I hearing whispers that United might actually open the chequebook this summer? Course I am. I'm Terry Tap-In. I hear whispers in my sleep. Whether those whispers are reliable is another matter entirely, and regular readers will know the answer to that question already. But there are MURMURS, people. Murmurs about a striker. Murmurs about a centre-back. Murmurs about the kind of investment that would make Skinner's little press conference look prophetic rather than daft.

So yes, Andy, I take your point about Chelsea. Spectacular point. Well made. The digestive bit was very funny. But Skinner isn't asking to become Chelsea. He's asking to not get embarrassed in Europe, and honestly? That feels like the bare minimum when you've got "Manchester United" written on your badge.

Grudgingly, painfully, with every fibre of my being resisting it: I'm giving this one to Skinner. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go and investigate those murmurs before they turn out to be nothing, which they almost certainly will.