Right. Let me get this straight. Marc Skinner watches his Manchester United side get taken apart 5-3 on aggregate by Bayern Munich in the Champions League quarter-finals, walks into the press room, and his big takeaway is that the club needs to spend more money.
I nearly choked on my digestive.
Don't get me started.
Has this man been living under a rock? Has he not seen what happens when football clubs decide the answer to everything is chucking cash at it? Chelsea just posted the highest pre-tax loss in Premier League history. Two hundred and sixty-two million quid. Gone. Vanished. Up in smoke like my pension after I backed that dodgy investment scheme in 2014.
And what have Chelsea got to show for all that spending? A hair-pulling scandal in Europe and a team that still can't figure out whether they're coming or going. That's the problem with modern football. Everyone thinks money is the magic potion. It isn't. It never was.
In my day, you developed what you had. I managed Barnet for three years with a budget that wouldn't cover Marcus Rashford's weekly barber bill. We finished mid-table and I was proud of it. You know why? Because I coached those lads. I worked with them on the training ground. I didn't ring up the chairman every time we lost and say "get the chequebook out, Dave."
Now look, I'm not having a go at Skinner personally. He's done decent work with that United women's side. Getting to the Champions League quarter-finals is no small thing. Bayern Munich are a proper outfit. No shame in losing to them. But the answer to that defeat is not "we need more depth." The answer is "we need to be better with what we've got."
Skinner said the squad needs developing to compete in Europe. Fine. Develop it then. That's literally your job, mate. You're the manager. Manage. Coach. Improve the players already in your building. Don't just point at the transfer market like it's some sort of all-you-can-eat buffet.
This is the disease that's infected every level of the game now. Nobody wants to build anything anymore. Nobody wants to be patient. You lose a quarter-final and suddenly it's "well, if only we'd signed three more players." In my day, if you lost a quarter-final, you went back to the training ground on Monday morning, worked harder, and tried again next year. You didn't hold a press conference demanding investment.
And here's the thing that really gets me. This is Manchester United we're talking about. One of the richest clubs on the planet. They've spent more money in the last decade than some countries have in their national budgets. The men's side has been throwing hundreds of millions at the wall for years and half of it has been an absolute disaster. Harry Maguire cost eighty million and he's just picked up another FA charge for getting sent off against Bournemouth. Eighty million! I could have bought my entire Barnet squad forty times over for that.
So forgive me if I don't weep into my tea when a United manager says they need more money. The cupboard is not bare. The cupboard is full. The problem is nobody knows how to cook with what's in it.
Spend smarter. Coach better. Stop treating the transfer window like it's the solution to every problem. That's not a women's football issue or a men's football issue. That's a football issue. Full stop.
You want to compete in Europe, Marc? Good. So did I. I never got the chance because I was managing in the Conference with a physio who was also the kit man and sometimes the bus driver. But I never once blamed the budget. I blamed myself. Because that's what managers do.
Or at least, that's what they used to do.
Andy Keys