Satire
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Sergio Aguero to Marry Batigol’s Daughter in Hope of Finishing Selective Breeding Experiment
Manchester City hitman Sergio Aguero has stepped up his eugenics game of late, choosing to centre his attention...
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Global Depression Soars To 91% In Men As World Cup Qualifiers Replace Premiership
Multiple countries around the world, most notably the UK and Ireland are declaring a national state of emergency as the...
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Luke Shaw Admits To Being On “Verge Of Suicide” On £70, 000 For Doing F**k All
Manchester United full back Luke Shaw is garnering sympathy all around the world today after speaking to the press...
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Didier Drogba Mistaken As Wyclef Jean in Scandalous Charity Scandal
For all those thinking he’d been gone until November, ex-Chelsea legend Didier Drogba has been in the news...
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Adebayor’s Witch Doctor: “Eternal Life Comes at Price of Scoring for Every London Club”
The West African nation of Togo is not famed for much internationally, but one national symbol, the country’s...
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Ranieri Fuming, Shaken and Stirred Due to Sunderland Signing
Reports coming out of King Power Stadium tonight suggest that Premier League winning manager Claudio Ranieri is absolutely...
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Jim White Wanks Himself To Death After Premier League Spends £1.15bn On Transfer Deadline Day
The footballing world is in a state of shock today as the nation mourns the loss of everyone’s...
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Lucas Perez Great “Desperate Panic Choice” Says Reluctant Tinder Date
Arsenal’s recent transfer action might have come late in the window but, according to sources, it’s anything short...
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FA Vase, FA Trophy and FA Cup to be Rebranded “Fuck Remembering All These Names Trophy”
In a bid to unite confused football fans across the nation, the English Footballing Association (FA) announced plans...
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Football Fan, Who Can’t Find Germany On Map, Suddenly Expert Bundesliga Pundit on Reddit
A football fan has taken to popular social media and news aggregator website Reddit today, demanding respect from...
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Ji-Sung Park Autobiography Exposes Scholes as Autistic Madman
He’s been known not to socialise much off the pitch but new revelations, made in ex-Manchester United and...
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Sam Allardyce Names Kevin Davies And “Fat Dave” In First England Squad
New England gaffer and relegation-avoiding master Sam Allardyce has reinforced his belief that; “Tippy Tappy football is a load...
