Sarah Boffin's Spreadsheet Is Right. I Hate That. But She Missed the Bit That Makes It Worse.

Right. I'll say this once. Sarah Boffin wrote that every time a footballer says "it's not about money," a contract extension gets its wings. She tracked 23 players. She ran her little spreadsheet. And I am sitting here, cup of tea going cold, absolutely furious that she is correct.

I do not enjoy agreeing with someone who uses the phrase "the data is excruciatingly predictable" like it is a personality trait. But facts are facts. And Sarah's facts are bang on. If anything, she has been too kind.

Because here is what the spreadsheet does not tell you. I have been in football since 1982. I have sat in managers' offices. I have seen agents walk through the door with that particular smile. The one that says "my client loves the club" while their briefcase is stuffed with brochures for houses in Monaco. You do not need 23 data points when you have lived through 40 years of this nonsense.

I remember a lad at Coventry. Will not name him. Lovely player. Told the local paper he would run through walls for the badge. Three weeks later he was in Italy earning four times the money. Walls, apparently, have a price.

Bruno Fernandes is a good footballer. One of the few at that club who actually looks like he cares when the ball goes in. But "it's not about money" is the oldest line in football. It is older than the offside rule. It is older than me. And I am ancient.

What Sarah's numbers miss, though, is the bit that makes it properly grim. It is not just that these players say it and then get richer. It is that the clubs want them to say it. The PR departments craft the interviews. The communications teams approve the quotes. Everyone is in on it. The fans are the only ones who take it at face value. Every single time. Like Charlie Brown and that football Lucy keeps pulling away.

I managed lads who genuinely did not care about money. They existed. They were usually a bit odd. Wore the same boots for three seasons. Drove a Vauxhall Astra. Never once gave an interview about it because they did not need to announce it. That is the tell, isn't it? The ones who truly do not care about the cash never feel the need to bring it up in a sit down with Sky Sports.

The moment a player looks into a camera and says "trophies are my priority," what he is actually saying is "I have been advised to say this so the fans do not riot when my new deal gets leaked next Thursday." It is theatre. Always has been.

So yes. Well done, Sarah. Your spreadsheet confirms what every bitter old manager already knew. Players like money. More at ten.

But here is my question. Where is the spreadsheet tracking how many times fans believed it? Because that number, I promise you, would be the truly depressing one.

Bruno will sign a new deal or he will leave. Either way, someone is writing a very large cheque. The interview was lovely, though. Very moving. Nearly as moving as the decimal point on his next contract.