Right. So FIFA have reopened World Cup 2026 ticket sales and the top price for the final is $10,990. Nearly. Eleven. Thousand. Dollars. For one ticket. One seat. One human bottom on one plastic chair in a stadium. 💀

I stared at that number for about four minutes and went through roughly nine different emotional phases. So naturally, I ranked them. No caption needed.

The 9 Stages of Grief After Seeing World Cup Final Tickets Cost $10,990, Ranked

9. Denial

"That's a typo. They've added an extra zero. There's no way. Surely someone at FIFA HQ fat-fingered the keyboard and nobody checked. This is a test page. This isn't real life." Reader, it is real life. It's very much real life. The memes write themselves. 😭

8. Googling What Else $10,990 Buys You

A used car. A deposit on a flat in some parts of the country. 1,099 Greggs sausage rolls (the meal deal ones). Three entire holidays to Benidorm including flights, hotel, and enough sangria to forget your team didn't even qualify. A small boat. AN ACTUAL SMALL BOAT. You could be on the open water with the wind in your hair but instead you're watching two teams pass it around the back in extra time. ⚽

7. Anger

"WHO is paying this?? WHO?? Show me these people. I want names. I want addresses. I want to understand what career path leads to casually dropping eleven grand on 90 minutes of football and a halftime show sponsored by a cryptocurrency exchange that'll be defunct by 2027."

6. Doing the Maths on How Many Shifts That Is

At UK minimum wage that's roughly 880 hours of work. That's 110 eight-hour shifts. Nearly four months of full-time work. Just for the ticket. We haven't even talked about flights to North America, hotels, food, the overpriced stadium lager, the commemorative scarf you absolutely will buy at 2am because "it's a once in a lifetime experience." 💀💀💀

5. Bargaining

"Maybe I sell a kidney. How much is a kidney going for these days? What about plasma? Can I sell my FIFA 26 Ultimate Team? What if I start a GoFundMe titled 'Lad Needs To See The Final Or He'll Genuinely Perish'?"

4. Checking the Cheapest Tickets

POV: you think the cheap seats will save you, and then you realise even the Category 4 tickets for group stage matches cost more than your monthly rent. Beautiful game. Beautiful, beautiful game. 🔥

3. Remembering the 2022 Prices

Qatar final tickets topped out at around $1,600. So in four years FIFA have decided the appropriate increase is approximately 587%. That's not inflation, that's audacity. That's a lifestyle. That's Gianni Infantino looking at the global cost of living crisis and going "yeah but what if we didn't care." This is cinema. 😭

2. Acceptance

"I'm watching it in the pub. I was always watching it in the pub. The pub is where I belong. The pub has pints for £5.80 and a screen the size of a wall and Dave doing commentary louder than the actual commentary. The pub is home."

1. Realising Your Team Might Not Even Make the Final

The absolute worst stage. You've spent three hours being angry about a ticket price for a match your nation has approximately a 3% chance of reaching. You've been arguing about $10,990 seats when you should've been arguing about why your centre-back played the entire international break with a hamstring held together by vibes and prayer. 💀⚽

Anyway. Enjoy the World Cup from your sofa like the rest of us. See you in the group chat. 🐐