Right. Sit down. Strap in. This one's a belter.

Steve Holland. Steve Holland. The assistant manager of Manchester United has come out and told the world that the club are "eyeing more than just a Champions League spot" heading into the final weeks of the season. More than just a Champions League spot. Manchester United. The club that has turned mediocrity into a performance art form for the better part of a decade.

Don't get me started.

Now look, I've got nothing against Steve Holland personally. Solid career. Good coach. Did good work alongside various managers for years. But when you're the assistant manager of a club that treats fourth place like it's the summit of Everest, maybe dial down the empire building for five minutes.

In my day, Manchester United didn't "eye" Champions League spots. They expected them. They demanded them. You turned up at Old Trafford and the question wasn't whether United would finish in the top four. The question was whether anyone else could get within ten points of them. Sir Alex would've had you cleaning boots for a month if you described qualifying for the Champions League as an achievement worth publicly discussing.

But here we are. 2026. And the assistant manager is doing media rounds talking about ambition like he's launching a start-up.

"We're eyeing more." More what, Steve? More press conferences about potential? More "turning corners"? More "exciting projects"? Because United have been "eyeing more" since roughly 2014 and the only thing they've consistently delivered more of is confusion.

That's the problem with modern football. Everyone talks about ambition like it's a strategy. It's not a strategy. It's a word you say when you haven't actually got a plan. "We want more." Brilliant. So does everyone else. So does the bloke who runs the chippy on my high street. Wanting more is not a competitive advantage.

You know what used to happen at big clubs? You won things, and then you said nothing, and then you won more things. You didn't announce your ambitions to ESPN like you were pitching to investors. You just got on with it. Quietly. Ruthlessly. Without needing the world to know you were aiming high.

And here's the thing that really gets me. Really gets under my skin. The Premier League has now secured at least five Champions League spots for next season. Five! So qualifying for Europe is literally easier than it's ever been. There are more golden tickets than a Wonka factory. And United's camp are out here talking about it like they're climbing the north face of the Eiger.

When I was managing in the lower leagues, we didn't have assistant managers doing press conferences about our grand vision. We had Dave from the physio room taping up ankles with whatever was left in the first aid kit, and we got on with it. If I'd sent my assistant out to tell the local paper we were "eyeing more than just avoiding relegation" I'd have been laughed out of the ground. And rightly so.

The worst part is that United fans will lap this up. They're so starved of genuine progress that a vaguely positive quote from the assistant manager counts as a morale boost. That's where we are. That's the state of things. A man whose job title literally starts with "assistant" has become the beacon of hope at one of the biggest football clubs on the planet.

Steve, mate. Win something first. Then talk about wanting more. Because right now, "more" at Old Trafford just means more of the same.

And I've had enough of the same.