BREAKING (and I use that word loosely): Harry Maguire has signed a new contract at Manchester United and given an interview saying the difficult times at Old Trafford have made him "stronger." And look, fair play to the man. Genuinely. He's been through it. The boos, the memes, the armband drama, the being dropped, the being un-dropped, the being dropped again. If adversity builds character, Harry Maguire should be the most fascinating human being on the planet by now.

But here's the thing. "It's made me stronger" is the single most overused phrase in professional football. Every player who's ever had a rough six months says it. It's the footballer equivalent of putting "resilient" on your LinkedIn profile. So Sources close to sources tell me it's time to do what I do best: rank things nobody asked me to rank.

Here, in ascending order of alleged strength-giving power, are the 7 Things That Supposedly Make Footballers Stronger.

7. Being Left Out of a Pre-Season Tour
Strength rating: Mild. Like doing one press-up. You weren't picked for the trip to America. You trained with the under-21s for a week. You posted a gym selfie with the caption "Work never stops 💪." You came back into the squad by September. Nobody's writing a biography about this.

6. Getting Booed by Opposition Fans
Strength rating: Negligible. This is the baseline experience of being a professional footballer. If getting booed at an away ground makes you stronger, then every player in history would be built like a Greek god by Christmas. You're supposed to get booed. That's the social contract.

5. A Manager Publicly Saying "He Needs to Do More"
Strength rating: Moderate. This one stings a bit because it's your own gaffer throwing you under the bus in a press conference while maintaining eye contact with the camera. But it also usually means you'll start the next game anyway because the alternative is worse. Adversity? Barely. Mild workplace tension at best.

4. Getting Booed by Your OWN Fans
Strength rating: Significant. Now we're cooking. This is the one that separates the men from the boys, as they say. Your own people, who paid actual money, who wear the shirt, choosing to boo you specifically. That's not adversity, that's a public performance review you didn't consent to. Maguire knows this one intimately, of course.

3. Being Stripped of the Captaincy
Strength rating: High. Because it's not just criticism, it's a demotion with a ceremony. One day you're leading the team out with the armband. Next day someone else is wearing it and you're pretending to be happy about it while a camera zooms in on your face for a reaction. It's a workplace humiliation that 50,000 people witness live.

2. Becoming a Global Meme
Strength rating: Very high. Maguire transcended normal football criticism and became a meme. Not a "haha funny moment" meme. A "your face is now a default reaction image on every platform" meme. There are people who have never watched a football match in their lives who know Harry Maguire's name because of the internet. That's a psychological test that no sports psychologist has a module for.

1. All of the Above, Simultaneously, While Still Turning Up Every Week
Strength rating: Nuclear. And this is where, in all honesty, I have to tip my hat. Say what you want about Maguire, and goodness knows the internet has said everything imaginable, the man kept showing up. Got booed, got memed, got stripped of the armband, got questioned by every pundit with a functioning microphone, and still rocked up to training every morning like a man collecting his bags off an airport carousel. Unbothered. Immovable. Contractually obligated, yes, but still.

So Harry, congratulations on the new deal. You've earned it through what I can only describe as the most prolonged character-building exercise in Premier League history. If being made "stronger" was an Olympic sport, you'd be on the podium.

Now please, for the love of football, don't say it's made you hungry too. I can only handle one cliché per news cycle.