BREAKING (and I use that word loosely): Plymouth Argyle are hosting Exeter City on Saturday in what is being described as the biggest Devon derby in recent memory. The 95th meeting. Ninety. Five. These two clubs have been going at it since before your gran discovered Facebook, and apparently THIS one is the one that matters.

Now look. I am not here to disrespect the Devon derby. I have enormous respect for any rivalry that has survived 95 editions, two world wars, and the invention of the A30. But I am here to point out that every single game of football played anywhere on this planet is now, according to someone, "the biggest in recent memory." And I think it's time we catalogued this phenomenon properly.

Sources close to sources tell me there are exactly seven types of "Biggest Game in Recent Memory" and I will not rest until I have ranked them all.

7. The "Both Teams Are Midtable But One Manager Said Something Spicy" Biggest Game in Recent Memory. Neither side is going up. Neither side is going down. But one gaffer called the other's 4-4-2 "agricultural" in a press conference and suddenly this is the Clasico. Passion rating: 4/10. Actual stakes: negligible. Entertainment value: through the roof if someone gets sent off in the first five minutes.

6. The "It's a Cup Game and the TV Cameras Are Here" Biggest Game in Recent Memory. A third round FA Cup tie at a non-league ground. The pitch is 40% mud. There's one camera and a reporter who's been sent from London and keeps mispronouncing the town name. But by God, this is the biggest game in the club's history. Until the next one.

5. The "Last Day of the Season and Three Teams Could Go Down" Biggest Game in Recent Memory. Genuinely stressful. Everyone in the ground has done the maths seventeen times and nobody gets the same answer. Phones are being refreshed at a rate that would make NASA jealous. This one actually earns the label, to be fair.

4. The "We Haven't Played Them in Years Because of Promotion/Relegation" Biggest Game in Recent Memory. The derby is back, baby! Except half the fanbase wasn't born last time it happened, and the other half has built it up so much in their heads that a 0-0 draw in driving rain will feel like a personal betrayal.

3. The "Both Teams Are Fighting for Promotion and/or Survival" Biggest Game in Recent Memory. Right, THIS is where we find Plymouth vs Exeter this weekend. Argyle are scrapping. Exeter are scrapping. The table is tighter than a pair of jeans from 2007. The stakes are real, the tension is real, and honestly? Fair play. This one might actually deserve the billing. I said MIGHT.

2. The "International Tournament Knockout Game Against a Country We Have Historical Beef With" Biggest Game in Recent Memory. Self-explanatory. The tabloids have already done the flag puns. Your uncle has texted the family group chat something questionable. The nation is united for 90 minutes and then immediately returns to arguing about bin collection schedules.

1. The "Biggest Game in Recent Memory" That Nobody Calls the Biggest Game in Recent Memory. These are the ones that sneak up on you. A random Tuesday night in League One where everything is on the line and the only people who know are the 8,000 souls packed into a ground that smells of Bovril and desperation. No hype pieces. No pundits. Just football at its most raw and brilliant.

And honestly? Saturday at Home Park might just be one of those. A 95th derby with genuine consequences, proper local hatred, and probably at least one bloke who's driven a tractor to the ground. The BBC are right. This could be massive.

But then again, sources close to sources tell me I said the same thing about the Carabao Cup first round last August, and that ended 0-0 with six yellow cards and a burst football.

See you at the 96th Devon derby, which will also be the biggest in memory. They always are.