Ron Atkinson To Give Up Racism, In Tribute To Dalian Atkinson

“He still won’t accept my friend request,” confirms a melancholy ‘Big Ron’ Atkinson, as he solemnly gazes at Chelsea Legend Marcel Desailly’s Facebook profile, shortly before ‘unliking’ the popular social media’s official EDL fan page.

It’s a softer side to the disgraced football pundit that we’ve never really seen before, as he throws his beloved copy of ‘Mein Kampf’ into the bin, whilst taking a sip from his British bulldog shaped mug of tea.

“Lefties have made my life a frigging living hell,” seethed Ron, showing a familiar c*ntiness that we all secretly loved a bit back in the day. “They’re always the first to cry ‘racist’ to stifle me, just because I’m not afraid to say what everyone else is thinking! But I loved that lad (Dalian Atkinson) like he was ‘one of my own,’ said Ron – before making suspect air quotes, followed by a cheeky wink and a light of his trademark cigar.

Saying racist things doesn’t mean you’re an actual racist, the world’s gone barking mad. But as a mark of respect for Dalian – I’m giving up saying racist things, at least publicly, affirmed Big Ron.

People have gone too soft, everyone’s a delicate little snowflake nowadays. Everyone was calling John Terry a racist after the Anthony whatshisface scandal. But I have it on good authority that John had a Dalian Atkinson pog amongst his collection as a child. Now you tell me how you can be a racist when you have a pog of a ‘blackie?’

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