Hart, the Perfect ‘Sweeper Keeper’, Comforts Destitute Bastian Schweinsteiger on the Mean Streets of Manchester

 7 years, 9 months ago 2 Comments


 (Image Source: Getty)

In a desperate attempt to get back into Pep Guardiola’s good books, Joe Hart has taken up council duties on recent midnight rounds to rid the former Commonwealth Games city of refuge.

Aligning himself with the bin collecting outfits of Fallowfield, Moss Side and beyond, Hart hopes the position will finally help show Pep he’s got the goods as the  ‘sweeper keeper’ last season’s Champions League semi-finalists have been looking for.

When questioned about his odd new training regime on Monday, Hart was all too keen to talk about his newfound dustman duties. “Not many people know this but Manuel Neuer grew up with a football in one hand and a broom in the other. His old man was a dustman. I probably would have went down that road too had I not aced all my exams and ass-licked the teachers at Shrewsbury Secondary”, he added.

The England goalkeeper, who’s first-team status has recently come under threat from Argentinian international Willy Caballero, can hardly be faulted for lack of effort and dedication when it comes to sharpening his street sweeping skills.

“He’s a good worker”, says Keith Parry, who does the nightly rounds of Spinningfields. “He lets the odd Greggs packet slip through his legs now and again but other than that he puts in a good shift. The big night occasions, the Friday and Saturday nights, are when we see the best of Joe”, he added.

Consequently, it’s through Hart’s evening experiences sweeping up the vomit and faecal matter of one of Britain’s most repugnant cities, that has lead to quite a few surprising encounters.

“Only last night I found a cold, shivering, Bastian Schweinsteiger curled up on a park bench covered in the Manchester Evening News. I offered to give him a lift to Jose’s house but he was so disorientated he didn’t seem to know who that was”, mentions Hart.

The sweeping continues.

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