Perfectly Lovely Sunday Ruined By Man United Winning A Trophy

What was supposed to be a perfectly lovely Sunday actually turned out to be one of the worst days of the year, after everybody’s favourite anti-club, Manchester United lifted the English Football League Cup yesterday.

Clive Gibson (45) told reporters that his day was going just fine until Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s header gifted Manchester United the glory, as they officially pulled level with Liverpool as the most decorated club in English football history.

“It’s like all of the sadness and darkness from my past has come back in a matter of minutes. I haven’t felt this depressed since that Norwegian twat scored the flukey Fergie-time winner in the Champion’s League in 1999,” bemoaned Gibson, shortly before bursting out into hysterical expletives about glory supporters, followed by an incoherent rant about alleged sexual relations between retired referee Howard Webb and Old Trafford Legend Sir Alex Ferguson.

Gibson’s estranged wife, Kelly (47) echoed concerns about her husband’s mental health: “I’m not expecting the atmosphere to change any time soon, I’ve been here before and I know how he gets. Zlatan has a lot to answer for. I really miss that Dutch bloke, it was a happier house with him as the boss.”

Clive is said to be comforting himself by sticking a fiver on Bournemouth to pull off an away win at Old Trafford on Saturday.

Related Post: Zlatanisms: Twelve of The Greatest Zlatan Ibrahimovic Quotes

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